Sunday, September 20, 2015

Things Are Looking Up, Comic Con, and Depression

Anxiety Level: Medium

I finally have a place to live!! My family has been helping me out a lot. My dad told me a few days after my panic attacks post that he had a feeling that things would start looking up very soon. He was right. We secured the place I'm living at now, my grandma is selling me her Van (I will be making payments), I finally have health insurance, and I got a call for a job interview at a place I really wanted to work (mostly for experience).
This past week I've had the interview on Wednesday and today I got a call and they offered me the job. I immediately accepted. When they interviewed me I made sure 100% that they knew that I couldn't miss Salt Lake Comic Con. So I'm starting a week later than I would otherwise but it is so totally beyond worth it. I actually got a call for an interview at another place that would've started the Monday before Comic Con, they informed me that I could not miss any training and I told them that I needed the 24th-25th off but they said I couldn't do that and offered to start me later... Later as in November. I ain't about that business. I pretty much said okay whatever because there is no way in heaven, hell, purgatory, you name it, that I'm going to miss Comic Con (seeing as it's the highlight of my entire year). If things work out and I get to see all my beloved Captain America characters, win a photo op, and get to go to the Cap and Falcon panel, this Comic Con would be the highlight of my life, the whole 20 years that I have lived. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because I know it probably won't happen, but I still have a little possibility flame inside of me saying... "What if it did happen?"

As much as I'm looking forward to Salt Lake Comic Con, I have been feeling depression sneaking up on me. I feel like I have no purpose right now, I feel like I'm a burden to everyone around me. It's also terrible to not have a place to sit. I also still feel the sting of a fairly recent betrayal my a former close friend. It hurts when you trust someone so much and you think you know them but then they take advantage and lie to you. This makes me question everything about this person. Is everything about her fake? Did she really come here to try to be a better person like she says?... (Continued in RANT)

RANT: Last I checked stealing is worse than drinking. She said she's left her hometown so she won't be tempted to do certain things, drinking being near the top of the list, but what she did to me is so much worse so what's up with that? At least drinking mainly effects the person drinking. Whereas not giving someone their money back when they desperately need it so you can go on vacation can completely screw up someone's life. Never mind me needing to survive as long as you're enjoying your vacation. It really is SO irresponsible AND immature to spend money you don't have, especially on things you don't need to survive. I, myself have recently come to understand this on a deeper level. 

So thing whole factor with my ex friend has cause me so much anxiety and sadness! Sad about the betrayal, anxious about the homelessness/can barely afford to eat thing. I think another part of my depression is how useless I feel. Seriously a lot of times my anxiety makes me feel disabled. Thanks for reading. 
-Emily